Some of us pay good money for that
One of the best things about monogamy is how freely bodily fluids of all kinds can be shared carefree
(Unless it’s feces; that’s not out-of-the-box sanitary)
Well feces ideally isn’t a fluid
I’m SORRY if we can’t all meet Cosmo’s latest unrealistic beauty standard of the week. If you can’t handle my feces at its most-fluid, you don’t deserve it at its most-viscous.
It took me a moment to realize you were referring to Cosmo the magazine. I saw that OP’s username is Mr Fish and immediately thought of Cosmo and Wanda.
Mr Fish + Cosmo makes my brain completely skip the fun show made by a horrible person and go to A Fish Called Wanda for whatever reason
2 girls disagree.
Most managers pay good money for people who brown-nose them
If you can’t laugh during sex, then what dafuq are we even doing here‽
That “waka waka” fucking killed me!
Sadly that’s the only version of that scene I found.
It’s been a long while since I’ve seen an interrobang in the wild - you are a gentleperson and a scholar my good chum!
You guys make noise during sex?
You ever hear the sound a man makes when he eats a handful of bees?
… no?
¿Quein no?
No lo hago.
Ninja na cama.
Nunca me ven venir.
Justa
… fuckin’?
“what the fuq”- meant
You have isolated the chief difference between progressives and conservatives.
One side can laugh at themselves and sex and can get on with their day, the other can’t get off unless they feel overwhelming shame and fear and need some kind of Pro-wrestling-level drama and narrative behind their life before they can even make sense of their sexual feelings.
bc if you laugh it reminds me that my tiny peen is a joke and the erection goes away
Unless you’re like 1.5 in 10,000(.015%),I can assure you your average or slightly above.
I’m no expert but I don’t think that’s how bell curves work.
I would ask you to look it up.
You are the first person to mention micropenis
Lol, thanks for trying to use that as a cudgel. I’m comfortable with the size of my bits.
But thanks for focusing on that.
Edit to add: this entire interaction started with me telling someone they didn’t have one!
This is really not a good look for you homie, trying to dog pile on at the last minute…
But you’re still the first to mention it. Why are you telling someone they don’t have a micropenis when they didn’t say anything to suggest they had one? It makes no sense. That’s why your thread was so off the rails, because you started a massive non sequitur.
I think they disagree because not having a micropenis (in the medical sense) doesn’t imply that you are above average.
Assuming penis length is distributed normally exactly 50% of people are below average. If you remove 0.15‰ from that you are practically still left with about 50% that don’t have a micropenis and are below average.
Homie, there is no swaying me.
Someone felt bad about themselves and I presented them with a counter.
Fuck it, maybe I have a micro peen? And I was just trying to help out a fellow homie.
Edit to add: doesn’t matter if they do or not. Fuck maybe I do! But it is not what’s important!
What’s important is it not being fucking important!
Being swayed by facts is not a bad thing
I really appreciate people helping other people especially because the internet is often such a harsh and toxic place, but I don’t think presenting a counter that’s factually wrong really help.
And you are right, it’s not important. I mean it’s not even a requirement to have a penis at all for intimacy. So unless you don’t have a tongue, no hands (not even 10 fingers required) you should be ok. You could also try toys.
Penis length is often an ego thing and that’s hard to fix in a lemmy comment.
What if 90% of people have the exact average length, and the rest are the bell curve?
Nice though experiment, but doesn’t hold up to scrutiny on many levels (not meant in a condescending way, just to spinn that thought experiment further)
First, we can’t even agree on how/what to exactly measure with penis length. Even if we fixed that, the actual distribution itself doesn’t have buckets (like size ranges) but would contain all data points individually. If we measure with unreasonably high precision and assume that penis length is a real (in a mathematical sense) number than there is a 0% chance that two people have the same penis length and there would be no person that has an exactly average penis length.
Stepping back from this thought experiment, there is data for penis length and the standard deviation is wider than most people would expect, it’s far from 90% being average unless your average bucket is something like 5-20cm
I didn’t talk my penis. But I’m certain yours is small.
Edit to also add; my bad for making someone else feel better about themselves. I’ll try not to make that mistake again.
I guess wearing a rigid mask?
Yeah.
Perfectly one that shows you as a terrible person.
Go ahead and dawn a donald trump mask. You deserve it!
*don
You get the upvote just cause I’m so confused.
Um, what?
Honestly, don’t know what I was going on about.
My bad.
But the sentiment remains!
I’m angry at you, and don’t know what for.
Forgive me.
I mean no offense, just figured I’ll post the relevant Wiki article
Real talk, do you think I’m being abusive?
I will trust your judgement, and reflect.
We laugh at hexbear accounts. Lol cowbee and so on.
I’ll admit I goated some of those idiots(and got banned from a bunch of communities), but they are extremely smart people.
They are either intentionally lying (which is what I think they are doing) or completely ignorant to the historical context they reference. Either way smart is not how I’d describe them.
(Goaded* sorry not trying to be a dick just trying to be helpful)
No! You’re not a dick! Thank you for correcting me!
Ah that explains it. I was thinking new slang just dropped.
“THEY GOT GreatestOfAllTimed!!!” (Air horns, John Cena, etc)
I’m sure that they are. So are we. The difference is we can be smart, hold an opinion, and not be insufferable.
“we”‽
You might be smart. But I’m dumb as fuck.
Idk I like your username so it sounded smart. My PhD is not related to social things.
Fuck me! I just read that you have a PhD!
You are definitely smarter than me
It’s only rocket science, has nothing to do with shitposting on Lemmy. I wouldnt worry about it.
Thanks for looking, but I’m pretty pro Palestine.
Don’t know if that changes your opinion. But I chose this name many moons ago.
I don’t think there’s anything not smart about being pro Palestine. I think that’s a safely considered opinion.
Lord, I’d cum and then propose.
And if I was her, I’d wait til you were fingering my asshole then say, “Told you I’d put a ring on it”
My kind of gal.
Some girl took that selfie and never imagined someone would caption it like this.
She’s a inadvertent goddamn rockstar
Wait, how is she holding the phone with both her arms down?
With her buttcheeks
Tripod & voice activation or whatever
What if she has a friend though? (Unlikely I know)
did you not hear about her prodigious buttcheeks? Follow the thread.
That’s honestly hilarious. I’d be laughing
That’s a goddamn keeper.
What the f*** is a Pusay?
A punanny
You mean a Volvo?
Steven Segal ft. Lady Saw: Me want the Punani
Yes, Steven Segal the bad action actor.
I went through therapy to block that memory. I curse you and Robert Evans for making me aware of this song.
Robert Evans was the real bastard all along.
You’re welcome!
This is peak Segal. He should be known for this and not anything else.
He’s an actor? I know him from Putin’s parades, which he attends frequently
I can’t know him for the sex slaves? Or his time as a cop using a tank to kill a dog? Theres so much more to unpack of the man. What about the time he tried to rape Ray Charles’ granddaughter?
It’s only a Pusay if it comes from the French region of Pusay. If it doesn’t, it’s just sparkling vagina
Vajazzled?
p-say
What the fans is a Pessay?
You should get that fixed.
Isn’t that how Macklemore pronounces it in “and we danced”?
No it’s a pisay
Censoring yourself while asking about a censored word is the epitome of irony.
Someone call Alanis!
We’re attempting to achieve the comedy.
C*medy please, there may be mods present. They are triggered by people having fun.
Use “ple*se”, this is the internet, some people may find kindness triggering
It would have worked if you only used one *, removed one letter and added an extra one like in the image. They way you did it just reads like you actually thought you had to or wanted to cencor the word.
Dude got suffocated by an anus.
Mine hasn’t ever suffocated someone, but it has cleared rooms before.
Green flag
brown flag.
what if she farts, or accidentally poops.
Discover if you’ve got a scatological fetish
Surprise pinkeye
How the fuck do you accidentally poop
When you let one rip and you go: “oh shit!”
Ever heard of a shart? lol
I do remote work. I’m the shart lieutenant.
The art of sharting.
the sound of sounding
Love is like farts.
If you force either, it can turn to shit.
you were born in the 1980s according to this joke
pussay Ftfy
The best sex I’ve ever had was with a woman who regularly (temporarily) cockblocked herself by making me laugh so hard I couldn’t stay hard
I can’t understand how people take sex so seriously, it’s a silly act, it’s like horseplay or dancing, you need to relax and have fun.
It’s wild to me seeing so many youtube chuds and reddit posts talking about sex like it’s the most challenging game and the hardest level to beat in a video game. Fuck, even if it was a hard level in a video game it would be more enjoyable.
I don’t get how you can enjoy it if you can’t laugh with your partner or if you’re always thinking about your image or worried about your belly fat or your hair or your “frame” or “SMV” and all this other INSANE bullshit young people are self-flagellating with.
No wonder our population is crashing, we’ve let horny 14-year-olds who never had sex dictate the tone and attitude towards our most important act as a species.
I think the problem is less horny 14yos and more the fact that they listen to scum like Andrew Tate or the Paul brothers growing up. I see so many teenagers who live a life where the only voice in their life that speaks positively of/to them is the chud on social media trying to groom them into an angry incel. Let’s be better than blaming children for the fact that we as a society have given up the act of raising kids in favor of generating more shareholder value. It’s not the kids’ fault that both of their parents probably work 50+ hour weeks to survive and youtube is the only parent in the house most of the time
A partner and I once got into an uncontrollable giggling fit when I referred to sex as ‘thrusty cuddles’.
I had a similar response at a Maria Bamford show I went to earlier in the year when she said “I like it when he puts his dingle in my wet plop.”
And now I’m giggling again.
The one I remember most clearly is like… sorry in advance for tmi. Do not continue reading if you dont want to read a sex story
So we tended to do a decent amount of foreplay, and this night it was really hot and heavy. She was really seductively trying to get me to say I needed to be inside her, and we were on that line of fooling around for a while in a way we were both really into. At one point I’m on my back and she’s teasing me while straddling me, and I finally give in and tell her I need her. What does she do? Gives me the most Samuel Jackson ass expression she can muster and a “shit negro, that’s all you had to say!” I almost died laughing
Good story.
If you’re not capable of having a good laugh in a sex session, you’re doing it wrong. If the situation in the OP happened to me, I’d have cracked up, and probably fallen a little bit more in love.
She hasn’t heard from him since? She’d better unclench and make sure he’s okay…
Well did she ever give his nose back?
Give him his nose back! Give him his nose back!
Let’s get this tending y’all. 2026 resolution freebie right there. lmao
anyone else try to figure out the mechanics of the position as they’re reading a post like this
No mystery to people of culture who routinely study such acts in detail.
