Stop talking.
Either you’re being an arse or they are.
Stop talking.
Oh, so you’re stonewalling me?
“I need to step back from this conversation as i’m getting disregulated. Please allow me some time”
Is this therapy talk for commanding a brigade of soldiers to resist an enemy advance during the First Battle of Bull Run?
Psychology can be the worst coercion tactic since you can hardly criticise it.
Like seriously, how do you even respond to “You need to love yourself!” when it’s used as an attack. When you highlight that it’s controlling behaviour to psychologise, you can always receive the response that your critical remark, phrased as deflection, is a sign of distrust in psychology or distrust in general and that that is a sign that your pathology runs even deeper, which makes the original attack even more correct.
Leave psychology to those who have actually read the books and the modicum of social skills needed to empathise.
with facts
Ask “Why do you feel that’s what I’m doing?” then reflect on the answer and how your behaviour was perceived this way. Finally, if after reflection you come to the conclusion that indeed you acted poorly, apologise and try to behave differently in the future.
“Because youre doing it”
Now you’ve determined that your partner is a poor communicator, because “because” is never a useful answer. Now your question is whether to try to work with your partner to improve communication, or give up on an adult whose communication skills haven’t advanced beyond those of a child in first grade.
Because is literally the answer to any question starting with “why”. Even if you leave “because” unsaid it’s implied in any response to “why?”
You clearly need to improve your communication skills
/s
Because is not an answer. Because can be the first word in an answer, but if nothing is provided afterwards than the answer is essentially, “I believe it to be so, and I choose to provide no evidence whatsoever to support that belief.” And how do you move forward from that? In fact, your specific statement I responded to was
“Because youre doing it”
What kind of response can be made to that? There is no example, merely an assertion. There is nothing specific, merely a general response. What kind of resolution besides complete capitulation or parting ways can be made based on this statement? In fact, if I was given that response in a conversation and was feeling combative, I would be inclined to respond with, “Who’s stonewalling now?” And, given how I put because in quotes, implying a complete statement, I could argue your response to my previous comment was gaslighting.
Well ask a dumb question you get a dumb answer. If someone’s being a dick I’m gonna feel like they’re being a dick because they’re being a dick. What other answer you expect? “Because im on my period and being irrational?”
If someone is behaving poorly, there are two broad reasons. They know and are choosing to (for some value of choosing) and they don’t know and are doing it anyway. If someone is being a dick and doesn’t realize why they’re being a dick, pointing it out can cause them to realize they’re being a dick, at which point they can choose to stop (again, for some value of choosing) or they can not, which puts them in category of knowing and choosing to. All that assumes that they accept your assessment of the situation is correct.
Now, as for your specific alternative? Having been in this type of situation, I would go with something along the lines of, “Aww, honey that sucks. Let’s stop arguing about how your feelings about the state of the kitchen aren’t my problem. Now, do you want cuddles before or after I tidy the kitchen, and where does chocolate and/or ice cream fit into this process?” Now, granted, my wife has learned to accept that my stupid, overly-specific ass is just that and is willing to say things like that on occasion since subtle is only a theoretical concept around here.
If someone is being a dick and doesn’t realize why they’re being a dick
I think you’re confusing the words “how” and “why”. Why they’re being a dick is a question for a therapist, unresolved childhood trauma, insecurities etc.
How they’re being a dick is the question you seem to be referring to. They don’t realize that what they’re doing is wrong or hurtful, because they don’t see how their actions are affecting their partner.
“How does that make you feel” is another good question. I might be unaware that my actions are upsetting in the first place.
But saying “why do you feel that way” creates separation between yourself and your actions and places the burden of introspection on the partner, not yourself. My partner gets upset when i make a mess, because I made a mess. Their feelings do not require introspection. My actions are the issue in that case. If im confused i would ask “How do my actions affect you?”. I might not realize how big a problem the mess is for them, that’s where the education is needed, not on why they have feelings about my mess.
And if it doesn’t?
Then they are acting unreasonably. It’s not so hard.
Trying to start a terapy randomly feeling like the one of the wort advice personally. In theory it is best thing to argue about something but in practice probably it will devolve to something else.
- If you are not know what are you doing probably wont accomplish anything.
- For this to work both side need to be adult in their emotion and thinking but this is a very rare situation.
- There is a chance if other side thinking you are being arrogant, manipulative or blaming other side.
In theory it is a basic and clever method but if you are dont know what are you doing it will be like landing a plane with written insturactions.
360 you stay exactly where you were
That’s the joke
“…this is a Wendy’s.”
In this biz these are known as “thought-terminating clichés.”
I never got to this point in the first place. But generally, I don’t respond.
“Ok, I’m evil, I admit it, goodbye”.
Everyone is happy, the end.
You can walk away and be criticized for going your own way instead.
Usually by doing all of those things even more, as far as I can tell. Bonus points if you posted yourself on LinkedIn wearing a “this is what a feminist looks like” t-shirt.
Honestly if someone was using all these terms, I’d stop talking to them. I don’t have time to be an avatar for your underlying mental issues to attack.
Anon you’re an asshole and you know this since kindergarten. Stop gaslighting
“I do tend to overexplain and I’m sorry, please shut me down if I do, but please believe me when I tell you that I overexplain everyone and it has nothing to do with your perceived gender, I just have the *tism.” - this is my usually response because it’s true.
I got accused of mansplaining because I was helping someone on a tech support call (they were taking the call to support a user, and I was assisting them) and I started with the basic information they’d need to understand the problem and how to fix it. After the call she turned around to the guy next to her and complained about it and he was just like, “oh, no, he’s like that with everyone”.
My philosophy was based on the fact that our managers hired people for people skills over technical background because they assumed the tech stuff could be trained and that if someone was asking me for help there was a gap in their knowledge somewhere and I had no way to know where it was other than to begin at the beginning and work through it. Most people appreciated it. But some were full of themselves and got pissed about it, those types typically didn’t last very long on that job.
banger
yo, did the fucking misogyny of 4chan get exported with this post or why are u all acting like chuds rn??
You new to greentext or what?
There’s like 2 misogynistic comments in a sea of genuine advice and they’re both pretty obviously sarcasm
yo, did the fucking sense of humour of reddit get exported with this comment or why are u all acting like the comedy police rn??
“I am only misogynistic for the JOKE bro, geez”
Lmao, imaging only now discovering how jokes work.
Right, just like the_donald was totally only le funny jokes. And not a beacon for real fashs to meet at.
You’re comparing one of the largest right-wing political movements in reddit history to a greentext post on lemmy. You can downvote me as much as you like but for your own mental health, please go outside.
Outrage over pointing out analogies gotta be one of my favourite online cop outs lmao
That’s a comparison, not an analogy. You need to work on your grasp of nouns, champ.
It’s supposed to be tongue-in-cheek.
Stop getting relationship advice/expectations from 4chan, for starters.
But my relationship is going a little too well
