He is the Goonmaster. The chosen one, prophesized by the ancients, to save us from a dark evil. By his hand, he will lead us into salvation. Praise be /u/vaultdweller013! May his sword remain strong, and his hand firm, for dark days be ahead of us.

Helps if you don’t start the conversation with " Hello m’lady."

Would love to do it but my heartburn literally prevents me from doing this. I have to eat or drink something small every few hours or it feels like an alien chestburster is about to fuck me up.

This comic was done better by Jason Heeris back in 2013. Only reason I know this is because I printed it out and stuck it on my cubicle wall.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/f23ytv/this_is_why_you_shouldnt_interrupt_a_programmer/

When your girl got her feet up in the air during any of the following sex positions:

• Anvil
• Butterfly
• Shoulder Holder
• Viennese Oyster

Your brain starts associateling feet with sex. Like, you can still think feet are gross, but the second your brain makes that association, you’re done.

For me, my wife also LOVES foot rubs…which would often lead to sex as well. So my brain went full Pavlov and made that jump. I mean, it’s like anything else, gotta be clean (after shower is best) and well-kept. I’m not going near anyones stinky, busted, janky, warty, fungus ridden foot.

I remember in my 20’s going, wtf why would anyone ever like feet!?, to being super embarrassed that I was turned on by it, to just enjoying life and embracing it.

I just missed my flight. I was stressed and upset. This greentext…holy shit. I’m in tears laughing. Thanks!