Whatever the fuck my role is now seeing a feature work as intended:

“Oh thank fuck I don’t have to write more Azure Devops Stories.”

I think it was just a strange coincidence. In the past she never took my comments on IT security seriously, so it seemed odd that at the same time she started using Chat-gpt she started using the VPN.

Shortly after that, she wanted me to pay a credit card bill of hers, I said sure no problem, just get me the statement so I know how much. She refused. She could have just given me the total, but she refused because “I wanted to verify her purchases.”

That, obviously, made me very upset, because I wasn’t suspicious until she said I wanted to inspect her statement. That weekend she traveled out of state, and when she came back I discovered the sexting.

Clearly she was on the way out, but the point remains, did chat-gpt accelerate things downward? That’s my question.

I don’t know why, but I think I just realized what happened to my ex. I thought we were mending our relationship before she started sexting the guy she had an affair with, but it seemed really dumb, even for her.

But I also remember when Chat-gpt came out, that was the time she started using a VPN. Why? Idk didn’t bother me. But then I read about the LLMs essentially just being the ultimate sycophant, and studies like this show harm to critical thought, and I’m wondering - is this what happened with her?

Ever since I moved out, she just sort of got dumber. Like it’s possible I was blissfully unaware of just how unintelligent she was, but I think I would have even noticed some of this. This might be a bigger problem than we know of.

Yeah definitely the traumatic way.

It’s that “fight, flight or freeze” phenomenon. I get the memo in my head “hey, introduce yourself” then when I, say, get up out of the chair, right before I take that first step, the fear comes in from memories of my ex wife telling me how awful I am or how I never did enough around the house or how I didn’t work hard enough or how ill never get someone as good as her again.

It’s always been exhausting for me to go out (likely autism related, and the more I come to terms with, yes, I’m high functioning or whatever, but at least I am starting to figure out me now).

I will say there are biological interests, but I’m far from being emotionally ready yet.

Therapist says I have to get to a point where I don’t freeze trying to talk to a woman first. I have done that, a couple of times now. Still not quite ready.

It’s getting there. I found people to spend time with outside of the house. That helps a lot.

Yeah, been there.

It’s honestly a lot easier after the divorce. When I was living with her it was a constant caveman brain going “woman to mate with! Must mate!” And mate she did with another man.

And combine the two, and the real frustration begins.

You wanna know what? I’ll come out and say it. It turns out a lot of guys older than 25 get ED.

I did. Mine was mental health related BUT the medicines are safe enough that the doc said I didn’t even really need to list all the symptoms, just saying “can’t get it up all the time” or “won’t stay up” and they’ll get you something.

So long as you don’t have heart problems.

They only tell you about that nasty 4 hour side effect. There’s another one too - it can make you last a lot longer. Like I can’t stress this enough. Sounds cool, until your partner finished half an hour ago and you just don’t have the energy to keep at it. Good news is that the exhaustion and frustration usually prevents that 4 hour side effect 2-3 hours in advance.

Its stupid cheap too.

Oh, fair. That’s a good point.

Ok, see the sandboxing makes sense and for a language like C++ makes sense. But every other language I used it with is already portable to every OS I have access to, so it feels like that defeats the benefit of using a language that’s portable.

Well, I guess that’s a good reason. Node version management seems to handle most of that for me though. I haven’t worked on an OS without support for it.

Ok

So, confession time.

I don’t understand docker at all. Everyone at work says “but it makes things so easy.” But it doesnt make things easy. It puts everything in a box, executes things in a box, and you have to pull other images to use in your images, and it’s all spaghetti in the end anyway.

If I can build an Angular app the same on my Linux machine and my windows PC, and everything works identically on either, and The only thing I really have to make sure of is that the deployment environment has node and the angular CLI installed, how is that not simpler than everything you need to do to set up a goddamn container?

Ok, that makes sense. Thanks!

That’s probably a better idea. I haven’t actually looked into how that works.

One… Not so disappointing fact is that means at least the Internet will go back to the pre-social media era.

You can feel it here on Lemmy still. It exists.

I didn’t know there were unregulated bands. I thought pretty much everything except 2.4Ghz and 5Ghz required licensing and those two were technically unlicensed, but still regulated.

Arguably though, at some point they’ll just say “if we can’t read your traffic, you can’t use the Internet.”

Which still isn’t a problem, as I’m sure we can come up with a means to encrypt traffic to make it look entirely legitimate. But it’s going to take a while.

Ok, but, consider, did that mess you up, or did everything else around you mess you up more?

So funny thing you mention that. You’re describing me.

For a very long time, I was in denial about being touched with the 'tism. Some behaviors of mine that I noticed I couldn’t ignored and asked some friends about them. Did some tests without thinking through my constant camouflage and yeah, definitely have ASD. I mentioned it to friends and family and they all said something similar to “you finally figured it out huh?” So hopefully I can start to gain more energy for going out as long as I don’t feel the need to camouflage. One thing at a time though.

The other thing that doesn’t help is that I identify demiguy more than as a man. So I know my behavior and appearance doesn’t quite fit the “masculinity” picture - regardless if it’s toxic or not. Im definitely male, I’m definitely attracted to women, but like I like having soft hands. I’m a softer personality, I’d rather listen to gossip than think/pay attention/care about sports.

Having discovered that though, maybe it too will help my confidence and lead to better interactions.

I’m challenging myself to be this real me, and see if it leads to more signals.

Still doesn’t help trying to find where people are.