Sometimes it takes a while. Run your own race, not theirs. I didn’t figure out what I wanted to do till I was 30. Before then I was absolutely anon, living in a room with a mattress, a PC and a pile of empty vodka bottles i sold plasma to pay for. Now I’ve got a career, a family, a home.
Dont compare yourself to others. Everyone has their own course to follow and their own struggles to get through.
you can compare some people to a good cognac, the longer it matures the more taste it develops …
I feel the same. I don’t have everything I want in life but I heard somewhere, “Some are late bloomers, but everyone, blooms.”
I started transition in my early 30s, before that my plan was to kill myself. Now I’m trying to live the life I want, to be who I want.
I’m about to have my first child at 48. I wasn’t ready before now.
I’m 29 and definitely nowhere near ready yet. This gives me hope
Pardon me asking (and feel free to ignore): Isn’t that scary to have a child so late in life? I’m worried about the impact my age will have on my relationship with my kids and I’m roughly a decade younger.
I just don’t see the point in worrying about it. I haven’t been scared since I found out and Idon’t think I will be now that’s it’s about 4 weeks away. I’ve been too busy buying and planning things and then I’ll be too busy changing nappies.
I’m just going to get on with it and not worry about it. The good news is that I’m already waking up in the middle of the night for a pee so I’m somewhat practiced at that.
That doesn’t sound fair to the child?
You’ll be barely up to keep up with them by the time they’re 10 you’ll be 60 and close to retirement. You’ll probably die of old age before they ever get married or to have you around to help them figure out adulthood.
[same disclaimer] Was it planned?
We were trying, yes.
Also back to your relationship question that I probably didn’t answer. I already know someone in advanced age with a kid and they have a great relationship. I haven’t even considered it. As long as I live a while longer I’m sure I’ll have a healthy relationship. I’m quite a chill person and young at heart and genuinely don’t see that as an issue.
If anything I think it might even be better! I genuinely think it will be beneficial that I’m not trying to grow up at the same time as my kid and can act as a caring and relaxed parent without any additional stress.
Congratulations, and I wish the very best for you, your child, and your loved ones! :)
Yes and there are no guarantees anyway, even if you are younger. My dad died when I was 16, he wasn’t old. I had some when young then some when older, it’s different for sure, more resources less energy but certainly better emotional regulation, less easily annoyed does help.
Congratulations!
200 years ago people also had kids quite late.
And we live so much longer than even 40 years ago. Life is so much better and safer now.
But the nuclear family is much younger, so today’s kids rely much more heavily and directly on their parents with respect to kids 200 years ago. The “village” build around multigenerational housing has disappeared, making the age of parents a much bigger factor than earlier on
200 years ago people were having kids at 15-16
And at 40 and 45, since there wasn’t birth control.
I was honestly surprised when I looked at a genealogy site, so many of my ancestresses got married at 28-30, I guess reading Little House on the Prairie when I was a kid made me think all those women of old times married young but nope, that did not seem to be the case.
Possibly not fake
Might even not be gay
Looking up men online? Absolutely gay.
He got to play games and enjoy life his own way. No shame in that.
Doesn’t seem like he’s enjoying his life, though.
I would rather have a family than play fucking games. Wasted my childhood on that shit. it feels like I’m suffocating when I remember those times. He doesn’t seem to enjoy it very much. Neither do I. Nor would any sane person. Not to imply that I’m sane.
No sane person would enjoy playing video games?
No sane person would enjoy playing video games OVER having something more precious, like a family. At some point games just become a waste of time and detrimental to the goal.
You surely can enjoy video games, if it doesn’t stand between you, and your desires. Which in a lot of cases, it does.
That’s just not true. There are a lot of ways to lead a fulfilling life, and having kids is just one of them.
I get it, I have kids and have a satisfying life. I also know people who have kids and regret that decision. It’s not for everyone, and certainly not required for a fulfilling life.
What you consider a fulfilling life is a complex mix of philosophy, religion, and personal value system, and for many people, having children isn’t part of that equation. For some, it’s getting involved in charitable orgs, for others, it’s accomplishing some feat (say, climbing Everest), and for others, it’s raising children.
I can see video games as being one such fulfilling option, but it’s also a fallback when people don’t know what brings them satisfaction or feel like they can’t pursue it for whatever reason. I think it’s important to not disparage people’s choices here, while also suggesting new ways to find satisfaction with life.
I personally love video games, and I love my kids, so I play video games with my kids, or when I have time after other obligations have been satisfied. But I don’t see video games as a pursuit in itself, it’s merely a hobby I do when taking a break of other worthwhile pursuits, which in my case are raising children and bettering myself in line with my religious beliefs.
On the other hand: I read about the lives of random terrorists, mass shooters, and I instsntly feel so much better about myself, at least I’m not that fucked up lol
I’ll bet you even regularly change your underwear!!
Bro thinks Facebook is real life. Lmao
Yup, people only post the flattering moments.
That said, if OP wants kids, they don’t seem to be on a path to get there.
He is likely stuck in a depressed cycle that makes it hard to do any of those things
Probably. They are on 4chan afterall, and you don’t usually get that far down the rabbithole without being perennially online.
Positive interpretation:
That means that you still have lots of potential inside you, while your friend already used up all his potential.it’s not positive to bring others down to feel better about yoursefl
One NPC believes he has failed at Life ™ , as brought to you by Meta Corporation, believes other NPC is ‘main character’.
Meanwhile, ‘main character’ quite likely is laboriously and neurotically curating and self-censoring his corporate social media profile precisely to present the appearance of succeeding at Life ™ , as brought to you by Meta Corporation, and in reality is likely in financial arrears, isn’t satisfied or happy with his job, feels like it is mostly bullshit work, and is probably overtired most of the time, having little ability to develop any skills or interests not directly related to his job.
In summary, the NPC management system continues to work as intended, convincing everyone that everyone else is more happy and succesful and fulfilled than themself, ensuring the vast majority of NPCs are too demoralized to be able to consider meaningfully changing the system.
Sure, if the race is to be a normie, then Anon NPC 1 missed the starting gun.
But if the race is to live a genuine, authentic, intentional life, to define what that even means, and then to pursue it, muchless be largely in control of it, with ‘main character’ levels of plot orientation and plot armor?
Chances are high that neither NPC has even figured out the location of the venue for that event.
When I have to describe social media… I do as follows.
There are 3 types of social media users.
1: Those with wealth who have no worries and can portray the image of living the simple life full of hobbies and joy… which is easy to do when you don’t have to work 2 or 3 jobs just to pay the bills. they hoard wealth instead of giving. 2: Those that have no wealth and are desperately trying to convince others that they do, and that their life is so much better than yours. 3: The sheep that believe both of the above and would like to fit into one of those groups.
Meanwhile… the ones actually living the simple life, their best life, the relaxing life… aren’t on corporate owner social media willing giving up their privacy and freedoms so a billionaire can get richer.
Exactly.
People seem to forget that the 4th option exists…
… the only winning move is not to play.
Back in the day, we called this having an actual personality.
People need to go rewatch The Social Network.
That’s the option I take… deleted FB in 2012, Twitter in 2018 (not that I actually used it, posted maybe 20 things in 7yrs) and have never used any of the others. I’m on mastodon and lemmy, I use signal & telegram and have to suffer whatsapp for immediate family.
I told everyone else that I was only going to make an effort with people who made an effort with me… and that solved the fake friends side of the problem… Because all I got for years was ‘but you’re not a facebook’ as a reason for their laziness and entitlement that I must bow to their convenience as it’s far more important that protecting my mental health.
Yep I am pretty much exactly the same, nuked my facebook profile after Cambridge Analytica…
…literally only ever used Twitter to scream at Elon Musk during the buyout untill… fairly possibly he personally banned me, as there basically weren’t any actual Twitter moderation staff at that exact moment in time, because they had all either quit or been fired or been locked out of their accounts.
Yeah the uh, ‘will you install signal to talk to me’ test is also one I use.
If thats too much to ask, then thats how little you give a shit about me, and uh, I’m basically fine on my own, most people in my life have been faaar more trouble than their worth, so, idgaf.
If this is too demanding of ask from me, then never ask me for anything again, i really don’t care.
And then wow blamo, quality of life, mental health goes up rapidly when not dealing with incessant bullshit from lazy selfish morons all the time, its wild looking back in hindsight how obvious that should have been, lol.
aaaaaaand now I’m sad because that is my life.
Are you allowed a pet where you live? Sometimes all we need is a little affection and responsibility.
I have a rescue cat. She’s the reason why I haven’t offed myself yet. She’s my life
Your cat would want you to be happy. As long as you don’t forget to fill up the food bowl.
As depressed as I get, and as much as I don’t want to do anything, I ALWAYS make sure my girl is looked after. Clean litter, water bowl full and food twice a day
I don’t know you or how you’re feeling, but do you feel like you deserve the same consideration you give your cat when it comes to yourself?
I’ve been depressed so I know there’s a solid chance that answer is no and you probably feel pretty settled about why, but ask yourself if you were judging someone you love (maybe your cat) by the same metric would your answer for them be the same?
Depression is a real rough process, we’re rooting for you.
Make steps towards the life you want. I know that sounds big and scary but it’s small things and doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t) be all at once.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
that’s bedbugs
Comparing your real, everyday life to someone else’s highlight reel is so much worse. I have been so much happier since getting rid of most social media. All the people I love, I can catch up with via phone calls.
ngl, this is partially why I enjoyed deleting facebook in 2012. The ability to just impulsively compare myself to others is far too common on sites like that, so the freedom of not even having to worry about mistakenly glancing too long at an old friends profile is never a concern I have.
Same with LinkedIn. When you see someone who graduated in the same year as you, you will start comparing, it is not good…
Tbh a reminder to get your shit together every once in a while might be beneficial to some
I’m married with a newborn, to the envy of my friends, who are all either single or in casual relationships. At the same time, I’ve got a shit job with shit pay and no education beyond high school, while all my friends are either working good jobs in their field or working on their masters degree. I’d love more than anything to have a steady job with good pay, even if it was a boring job, but with no education I don’t think that can happen. I’m very jealous of my friends and wish I could have what they have, meanwhile they look at me and say the same.
All that is to say, no one has it perfect, even if you think they’ve got everything you want, I can guarantee they wish they had something different, possibly something you’ve got. Don’t be so hard on yourself, comparing yourself to others.
Offer them a 10% share of your newborn. They get a tenth of a kid (better than nothing), you get ~7k$ @ year. /jk
Grass is always greener and whatnot
Fake: Anon cares about other people.
Gay: Anon stalks his highschool boyfriend long after breakup.
More often than not, the friend is putting on a performance. I’m not saying people don’t have happily ever afters, but I am saying that people mostly show the best part of whatever they do.
I don’t feel a need to show off whatever I do, don’t even have a social media account. Apparently I am the strange one because I don’t feel a need to broadcast everything I do to anyone I have met.
Essentially nothing here sounds like main character. This could be the most miserable mofo in the world. Grass is always greener…
On the other hand: I have the money and free time to afford and play any games that I want. Nothing dark about that.
I have kids, and I have the money but not time to play any game I want.
Everyone takes a different path in life, make sure you’re working in the direction you want to go and are comfortable with the consequences of that choice. I am happy with my chosen lifestyle, but I’ve met plenty with a similar lifestyle and aren’t happy.
I cheat my way through games, I may be losing some of the gameplay experience. But I like getting an hour to myself to play a game and not have to do repetitive in game tasks. Playing Roadcraft right now, and sure I could use the dump truck to drive back and forth to the sand pit 300 times or I could use a trainer, have unlimited sand and fill in anything that would prevent game progression. And increase the game speed so I can actually get things done in the small 60 minute timeframe I have. I envy those who can spend hours in the game getting absolutely nothing done.
