• xxce2AAb@feddit.dk
    0·
    15 days ago

    “Me and my dick no longer see eye to eye.”

    “…That’s probably for the best, ophthalmologically speaking.”

  • Asidonhopo@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    14 days ago

    I’ll pee sitting down sometimes in my own home but peeing sitting down with a penis in a public restroom is gross. Regardless of whether your dick aims at the water or the side of the bowl that’s a lot of fine spray of toilet microbiota landing on your junk and undercarriage. Better to just piss everywhere all over the seat and stay pure

  • NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone
    0·
    15 days ago

    I swear I always get a cupful trapped in the hood every time I’m wearing light coloured trousers and then it escapes when I stand up.

  • MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de
    0·
    15 days ago

    Reasons I unironically want a FUD/STP device; Not that I’ve bothered to be pro-active about it. Even sitting to pee does not reign-in the dick’s non-sense.

  • bus_factor@lemmy.world
    0·
    15 days ago

    Anon needs to add “pee” between the fapping and sleeping in his bedtime routine, and the leftover spunk won’t be around to do that.

        • falseWhite@lemmy.world
          0·
          15 days ago

          So the options are: pee sitting down and always have clean the inside of the toilet. Or pee standing up, and sometimes clean what you missed

            • falseWhite@lemmy.world
              0·
              15 days ago

              Yes, like weekly. But I pee at least 3 times a day, and would have to clean it after every use. No?

              I pee on the inside, it gets dirty. Next time I want to pee I need to clean it again, or clean it immediately after I pissed.

          • calcopiritus@lemmy.world
            0·
            14 days ago

            Sometimes? I’m not tall at all, and if I pee standing up I later see droplets of pee basically everywhere. It wasn’t that much of a problem as a child, so I guess it’s height-based. But again, for an adult I’m not tall at all.

    • MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de
      0·
      15 days ago

      You apparently have no idea the dick’s talent for aiming for the crack between the seat and rim, no matter how you go about “tucking” it downwards to try to prevent just that. Even sitting, leaning so far forward your hands are on the floor, is no guarantee.

      • Wildmimic@anarchist.nexusEnglish
        0·
        15 days ago

        I agree that this can happen, but at least its pretty rare. Standing while peeing however makes a mess in a radius around the toilet every time. I mean, when you live alone and have no guests ever then this might not be an issue, but in every other case it’s pretty nasty.

        • MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de
          0·
          14 days ago

          Back when I could consistently roll my foreskin back, aiming from standing was the cleaner option. I have no idea what animals you’ve lived with that couldn’t get their pee in the bowl consistently, but I’m sorry, I guess?

          • Wildmimic@anarchist.nexusEnglish
            0·
            13 days ago

            I’m a man, and i tell you that even if you aim perfectly with rolled back foreskin, the splashback when the stream hits the ceramic creates a radius around the bowl where small droplets land. Either someone else cleaned the floors back then when your foreskin was youthful, or noone cleaned them.

  • Apytele@sh.itjust.works
    0·
    15 days ago

    So there’s this really cool trick:

    1. Face AWAY from the toilet with the heels of your feet close to the base.

    2. Un-button/tie/velcro/zip the whole waistband (not just the fly) such that you can-

    3. Lower your entire pants to the floor.

    Now this part can be a bit tricky and does take some practice to keep your balance but

    1. Bend your knees down into a squat while leaning ever so slightly backwards (you can put a hand on a nearby solid object such as the sink or a wall to steady yourself. They also make raised seats with handles on either side if you need help with this).

    2. Situate your buttocks firmly on the seat.

    3. Separate your thighs such that you can

    4. Point your penis down between your legs towards the toilet bowl.

    5. Proceed to urinate.

    6. Hygiene is the same as peeing using other techniques.

    This technique is all but foolproof; it is almost impossible to miss the toilet bowl.

    Hope this helps!

    • tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip
      0·
      15 days ago

      Sitting can be very difficult first thing in the morning sometimes. Well, not the sitting part but the getting your dick to point down into the bowl part.

    • snoons@lemmy.caEnglish
      0·
      15 days ago

      You forgot the most important step:

      1. Wash your roommates hairy ass grease off the seat.

      Usually why I stand.

      • 404@lemmy.zipEnglish
        0·
        13 days ago

        And the pants, lowered all the way to the floor, are swimming in a pool of piss

      • Apytele@sh.itjust.works
        0·
        15 days ago

        OK you have a point that I will only grant because I’m so used to finding the lid left up despite my best efforts but you are correct.

        • snoons@lemmy.caEnglish
          0·
          14 days ago

          I keep all my bathroom stuff in my room because none of the people I’ve ever lived with have thought it worth their time to put down the lid when they flush.

    • falseWhite@lemmy.world
      0·
      15 days ago

      You’re either a woman or have a small pee pee and never had your pee pee touch the inside of the toilet bowl when you try to stick it into the tiny gap between your groin and the toilet basin.

      I’d rather pee in split streams than rub my precious dick on the inside of a toilet bowl.

        • falseWhite@lemmy.world
          0·
          15 days ago

          Where do you put your ass when you poop? I sit on the toilet seat, and also rest my pee pee on the toilet seat in front of me

          • wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
            0·
            15 days ago

            That has a lot less to do with the size of your cock and way more to do with the size of your ass.

            Lose some weight. I’m well endowed and have only ever had an issue of “where penis go” when I tried to go while fully erect when I was a string bean of a teenager, and again as an adult when I weighed around 275 lbs and tried to go with a chub.

            Might also be a grower vs shower thing too, but your experience is not anywhere as common as you think.

            • bus_factor@lemmy.world
              0·
              14 days ago

              I don’t think I’ve ever seen an elongated bowl in any residential building I’ve ever been to. In older bathrooms like mine you can’t even feasibly fit one, or you’ll have a hard time either closing the door or getting past it to go into the shower.

      • decipher_jeanne@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        0·
        14 days ago

        I’m a woman with a rather huhh large penis to put it bluntly. This has never been an issue ever. Siting down to pee unless you are some insane 10" 3 legged freak shouldn’t be an issue.

        Maybe more difficult if you are stiff. But common it doesn’t kill you to push it down into the bowl even if it touches a little.

        • bus_factor@lemmy.world
          0·
          14 days ago

          Neither my ass nor my dick are particularly large, but my dick still touches the front of the bowl if I don’t hold it back the entire time I’m sitting. So that’s what I do. A little cumbersome to only have one hand for pulling, ripping and folding the toilet paper, but not really an issue.

          I still stand when I pee, though.

  • Problem-based person@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    0·
    15 days ago

    So this happens because the urethra loses moisture and welds shut, then pee chooses the least-resistance path. If you can’t pee sitting ('cause it’s easier), one trick is to clamp your dick and push to pee, then release. The pressure will open the urethra wide and a beautiful, directed stream of piss will come out. Also, pull your foreskin back when peeing and clean afterwards with a dab of toilet paper. Fellating persons will thank you!