Anyone Else? Can’t just me me, right?
My dad would occasionally tell us stories from his childhood. Stuff like his dad grabbing him by the shirt collar and repeatedly punching him in the face. When I was a kid it was just another story. When I got old enough to actually understand what he was talking about it was like, “God damn. No wonder you’re like this.”
I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. It didn’t undo anything he did but it did help me hate him less.
I think I’m really fortunate that my dad somehow realized he completely fucked up and made an effort to repair his relationship with his kids. We’re on good terms now and he’s a way better Grandpa than he was a father. I know a lot of people go through their whole lives only getting to see the worst side of their parents. My dad included.
You are not alone. Your parents do not define your value. Despite their best or worst efforts, they do not ultimately get to decide what kind of person you will be.
My dad would occasionally tell us stories from his childhood. Stuff like his dad grabbing him by the shirt collar and repeatedly punching him in the face.
Bruuuh. I feel like I really shouldn’t complain that much. Some of y’all got even more fucked up childhood than I did. My parents never hit me that hard, it was merely slap on my hand. So like… in an “overton window” where corporal punishment is socially acceptable, its actually kinda tame in comparison. I’m never gonna be like “okay” with that idea, its still very… unacceptable regardless of how society views hitting your kids, but like, to be fair, judging by that standards, on that “overton window”, I didn’t get abused that badly. My parents also didn’t drink or gamble, so… I guess I got lucky the abuse is mostly just emotional. (still… depression is kinda slowly making me wanna kms)
(still… depression is kinda slowly making me wanna kms)
I tried that once when I was a teenager. Obviously, I failed. Kind of a cruel irony being told that you’re never going to amount to anything and then, as you’re working on your own suicide, you suck so bad at tying knots that you fail at that too.
20+ years later, I’m glad I failed. Depression is a deep dark hole that can feel completely inescapable. It’s not inescapable with the right help. You don’t have to do it alone. You just have to be willing to ask for help.
My life so far has been a hard one. It’s been made much harder by the fact that my stupid little brain is broken and makes it extremely difficult to regulate my own emotions. But there’s glimmers of joy in the middle of all the hardness. I have things now that I never could have imagined on that day in my parents garage.
Things like self love and a sense of self worth, a family of my own, people to whom I matter a great deal, and a wealth of experiences that have taught me a great many valuable lessons. Back then I didn’t think anyone would care if I stopped existing. Now, I know that’s not true. Sometimes I’m still here because I’m enjoying my life. Sometimes because I know there are people who love and need me. Somwtimes it’s because even though I don’t feel like that’s true, I know it is and I’m leaning on my meds until my feelings normalize. For me, that’s enough to keep me here until my time is finally up.
I’ll add my own story to vent.
I was basically kept indoors my whole life and treated like an unwanted child. Whenever I was around family since I was a child I would get blamed for things with everyone getting angry yelling at me then be taken to be beaten by my mother. Cast out by family since a young age with no trust for anybody & every year constantly blamed for nothings turned into somethings. Accidents, & misunderstandins turned into lifelong problems. Good things misconstrued as bad things. Little bad things snowballed into avalanche of a problem.
Didn’t even get to serve in Navy due to health issues even though I did get to work for them as a civvy.
Personally laying it out I wanna be around people. I want a life. I want a real family. I want an income so I can finally be free but I’m still trapped with them.
Now here I am months later trying to get into projects/initiatives I am focused on for open source to make it better with everybody worldwide, trying to learn to be human like Tarzan did, heal from the worst Multiple Complex PTSD, don’t know how to get work much less remote work so I can earn money to get away from them, have no idea how to function as a person, & want to make friends/chosen family/ build up community but have no clue how to even begin from being away from society for decades.
I’m the definition of alone. If you search “Dandadan Evil Eye Childhood” on YouTube that is me. Completely. Same thing for “Gaara Childhood” & “Naruto Childhood.” Would go as far as saying I almost became a villain. If you were able to see life as a tv show/comic/anime/manga/animation you would be a completely changed person
Would love to make a way to help people learn online how to be human for anyone that goes through anything remotely similar to me to integrate with the people in a good way. First though I must become human so I can then make it happen. (That definitely makes me sound like a bot/ai/robot but that’s just me saying how I truly feel)
Would love to create a donation thing or get work or something so I can work on open source stuff as much as I can and then be free.
Top that with how much it sucks here in USA with all this bullshit happening.
Sorry it just felt good to vent at least a little.
Sometimes I think I’d prefer physical abuse instead of the constant emotional stuff that makes you doubt yourself decades later. Like, my therapist tells me it was bad but they’re a therapist, isn’t that what they’d say? Mommy Dearest told me no one beat me so it’s not abuse. Abuse is complicated.
Abusive parents the second you defend yourself effectively: “I didn’t know you had teeth, sorry for biting you.”
Bad parents pointing at “screaming at your child regularly”:
Is this being strict?
has depression
Parents: “I guess we weren’t strict enough, now you are a loser that goes to doctors and dependent on pills”
Because when you see a wooden spoon, it’s just a wooden spoon. When I see a wooden spoon, I see a weapon.
Totally cant relate. I was home schooled by my mother who had also been a teacher for a few years before starting to have kids with my father. She is kind, gentle, beautiful and still a continuing inspiration in my life.
That is to say, no… I cant personally relate.
Ahhh, yes. The Hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.
Who’s got a good story?
I’ve told this story before, but basically, I was like… idk 10 maybe, and I was in NYC, waiting for the subway with my mom, then this mini-earthquake happens (like very very minor), we didn’t notice because the subway masked the shaking, so my mother coincidentally tried to make a phone call, call failed, IMMEDIATELY SCOLDS ME AND BLAMES ME FOR “BREAKING” THE PHONE. What actually happened was people were all trying to call because of the shaking so phonelines got clogged 😭 (this was before 5G, so congestion was a huge issue in big city). Like bruuhhh, literally got blamed for something a (mini) earthquake caused, so at the time I was thinking like: why is the ‘god of the earth/ground’ messing with me?
Ooof. That’s rough. How’s your relationship with her now?
Not my mother, but on one occasion my father got really, really drunk. He wound up falling down the stairs and injuring himself. Out of an abundance of caution, my sister called emergency services. When the EMTs arrived and started taking care of him, he told them that I was driving. 0.o
That’s harsh, sorry to hear…
It was my father, but it’s the same story. He never understood why i never wanted to see him after my parents divorced, and i did not come to his funeral. He was much nicer to my little sister tho, she did not see what me and my brother had to endure years before, and so she is still angry years later that i skipped the funeral.
I still haven’t decided when or if I’ll ever tell my mom about the ptsd she gave us. At this point, with the ways she’s changed over the years, I’m not confident she’ll listen or believe me.
I tried for years to decide that, and with therapy learned that was I doing it for her or me, and if for me does it really help? She’ll never change, so it does no good. Instead I keep her a healthy distance away. I still see her, but measured intervals.
I came to the same conclusion. I know how my mom reacts to news she doesn’t like - she defaults to denial. My memory has always been stronger than hers, so there’s no shortage of incidents that I remember, that she has long forgotten. (The tree remembers what the axe forgot, after all.) If I were to attempt to bring things up, she’d deny such things ever happened. Instead of me having catharsis and her having self-recognition, I’d be put in a defensive position and she’d say I’m exaggerating or making things up. Which is to say, attempting to have a serious talk with her always makes me feel worse.
Thankfully, I have siblings, and they remember what our childhood was like. We have all given up on trying to get our mom to see the light. Instead, we have a secret group chat where we can vent as needed.
My mother has never properly apologized to me for anything in her life. She says she’s not the perfect mother but if you ask her about details of what she feels she did wrong, she will get angry. I honestly don’t talk to her anymore. Homophobic, racist, islamaphobic, etc. I don’t need to put up with that and no one else should be forced to either.
My parents were physical with me early in life until they felt they could talk it out. My family always put restrictions on things and I didn’t really have input into things while I was there, my adult relationship was largely listening to them complain about their health, dodge political conversations and really never got to input anything into a conversation. If I did mention something they treated it as an ask for guidance and not just something to talk about. My parents never knew the real me that they developed. Thankfully I diverged after I left home as their politics are ghastly
I only want whats best for you
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Hey, as long as writing that comment helped you vent then it wasn’t time wasted
Thanks for writing this
Needed that (about something else but still thanks)
No problem buddy!
You having read my comment and benefited from it means that me writing it wasn’t time wasted :)
This is why I love Lemmy. There’s a recognition that we’re all imperfect beings stuck in this crazy thing called “life” together. It only makes sense to support each other.
I really want this mindset to be everywhere, not just on Lemmy. I wish everyone had the support mechanisms that people need to survive.
An issue in some situations is a small number of people abuse the fuck out of the support mechanisms available. This leads people to agree with “we shouldn’t provide it if it’s going to be abused”. Which they’re obviously incorrect in stating.
I’ve never seen Star Trek, but if applied to reality it should be “The needs of the many outweigh the desires of the few”
I’m very fortunate that I have great parents and was brought up well. I’ve never been treated badly by them. However, they have a very strained relationship with each other and it’s been like this for years. But they’re still together. It’s very uncomfortable for me and my siblings because they can barely be in the same room for an hour without an argument breaking out.
Sometimes I think they should have divorced years ago and they would have been much happier.
You’re not alone.
