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My mom had 4 kids. 3 of us were well behaved in public and she said “I would look at those parents with screaming kids in the store and think I am doing something right, my kids don’t do that. So God gave me Janet. I was so judgemental, then I got one who screamed in the store.”
Being a parent is hard af
Being a good one is.
even being a bad parent can be very tough
I would argue that being a bad one even has its challenges.
And entirely voluntary.
If every single one of your ancestors did something and so did everyone else’s on a planet of 8 billion, the thing is not that hard.
I understand but also not my problem? If you are too tired to deal with your children maybe keep them at home. If you are going to bring a child to a public place you got to be prepare and willing to educate them. Your children are special bundles of joy for You, and you only. People are not ok in having to deal with an unhinged savage child because parenting is hard. People take the “it takes a village” wrong. Not everyone you see is on your village.
Then, politely, fuck off.
Children are a part of the society that you live in, whether you liked it or not. I don’t know who hurt you, but you were also a child once. You pooped your diapers, you cried, you misbehaved. How your parents have treated you when you did these things has a very direct effect on how you behave and think right now. My guess is they were shitty, it would explain your irrational anger and hatred towards kids.
Misbehaving in public is a necessary step to learning how to behave in the first place. It’s a learning by doing thing. You won’t get your child prepared to act kind, nice, and considerate with other people if you don’t let them meet other people. You cannot teach your kid how to behave on the outside at home. How is that not obvious to you? It is inconvenient, it is annoying, it is hard, and it has to be done so that we don’t have underdeveloped, immature, dysregulated asshole adults a generation’s time from now.
Parents are always obligated to watch for their kids and show them how to behave. This doesn’t mean they can, or should, control their every move, word, reaction, emotion, or behavior. If a 3 year old cries and it is uncomfortable for you, that’s your problem. It is not the child’s or the parent’s duty to shut them up with a gag ball ffs. It is their duty to help them resolve and guide them through their overwhelming emotions. So that they will grow up to be emotionally healthy adults.
Children have an innate need to play. They learn via playing. They learn via trying things out and touching them. They learn to walk and run by walking and running - and falling and failing. They also learn about the world from the world’s reaction. Being met with disdain for solely existing and breathing won’t help them to grow up to be adults with a lot of self worth.
You don’t get to decide who is part of the society and village you live in. You don’t get to cherry pick your neighbors.
You don’t want kids in your village go live in a cave.
Kid having a meltdown in the Walmart while their mom casually picks out yoga pants
volvoxvsmarla: “look at this fine example of parenting!”
I can’t find where the yoga pants part was supposedly said
That’s a lot of anger you’re spitting just because someone doesn’t want to hear screaming children. My siblings and I were never allowed to scream in public.
Yes, I have a lot of anger for people who meet the most vulnerable parts of our society with hostility. I have an immense anger for people who don’t think these vulnerable people in the making have a place in society.
Congratulations on not being allowed to scream in public, ever. Did you good. Your parents had shitty standards and now you want to enforce these on other children so that they will also grow up and hate children. Great idea.
We are not talking about kids babe, we are talking about YOU that is too tired to educate
What you don’t understand (or pretend not to) is that you’re the one being judged, not the kids. It seems obvious from this chain that your kids are out of control and you get judged for it. I can think of no other reason you’d act this way.
Honestly, the judgement of parenting is not my main issue here. It’s the hypocrisy of at the same time saying “this is your problem, not mine” and “you have to deal with your problem so that I am not inconvenienced.”
Like, you can’t have it both ways. Either you don’t care, and then other people deserve the right to also not care about your opinion, or you do indeed care, and then it is your problem too. Your quote about not being part of the village is the one that I am saying fuck off to. You want to take yourself out of society and of the context, yet expect the other part to not take themselves out of society. You don’t even decide to look away, you decide to look with destructive criticism. I don’t see how this is supposed to help anyone, you included.
You come off as the type of person who will look at both the kid and the parent in disdain for being a nuisance even when they did something absolutely minor that you could easily avoid, ignore, or get away from. Are you assuming the kid will differentiate between your reaction towards them and their parent? Or that your reaction has no effect on the parent’s treatment of their child, perhaps in a more negative than positive way?
As for the judgement part, as I have pointed out somewhere else, you are seeing a sniplet of a day, of a life, of an hour. Yet you feel like you have enough information to rightfully judge. It’s correct that the kid might be subjected to bad, neglectful parenting and the parents do not care if their kid behaves awfully. Or you might have just met them in a vulnerable, bad moment. Somehow you know tho. Why not give them the benefit of the doubt or, God forbid, ask whether yoh can help? Offer a supporting smile to someone struggling? Why be hostile instead?
Because even if you took a perfect parent who does everything according to textbook from beginning to end, the kid will still have meltdowns in the most inconvenient and absurdly embarrassing moments in public.
And I have seen way too many parents who devote an insane amount of time and effort to their parenting, are reflected and have the best intentions and approaches, are incredibly level headed and collected (definitely not me tho), and give it their all, still being talked down upon by absolute strangers if they cannot make their preschool kid calm down within ten seconds. If these parents don’t stand a chance in the eye of public scrutiny, then I just don’t even know how a normal parent who doesn’t spend 24/7 thinking about their parenting choices has a chance.
I’ve also seen cases of what I would call bad parenting. Shaming, yelling, ignoring cries for help. But at least I can realise that I don’t know the full story. So unless I have a direct offer of help (tissue, water, bandaid, carrying something, etc) I let them be and hope that they know what they are doing and handling the situation to the best of their ability. I also know a kid who died of shaken baby syndrome because the new partner of their mom couldn’t handle the cries. I’d much prefer he ignored the cries and tantrums instead of killing the two year old boy.
It’s the hypocrisy of at the same time saying “this is your problem, not mine” and “you have to deal with your problem so that I am not inconvenienced.”
What the hell are you even talking about? It’s not complicated. Because you aren’t taking care of the issue, it became mine (and every other person being bothered). I can’t take enough drugs to understand how that wouldn’t be obvious, or how it could be “hypocrisy”. What the actual fuck. I chose not to have kids, you chose to. Therefore I cannot and should not be expected to help them not lose their shit. That is your job. Do it.
Also, you confused me with someone else. I didn’t mention “the village”. You must have also missed my comment where I said that I lost my empathy for you after your ragey diatribes where you shirk all your responsibility.
And for the record, when I see the parent actually trying, I don’t judge them, I just try to get through it and ignore the child’s cries, such as a baby screaming on a plane. What I cannot have compassion for are the people who do not seem to be trying in the least. Which is far too common.
You were not allowed to but I can guarantee that you were still screaming in public.
Every child screams in public at some point? That’s normal development. You and I did too. They may just be excited.
Of course if a child is screaming constantly then the parents need to intervene. But expecting children to be seen but not heard is unrealistic by any standard.
Not really. There are kids louder than others. And while there may be some internal aspects to that a lot of that have to do with education. Specially as they grow and education starts becoming more a defining factor.
Hmm my mother says I was quiet and I observed normal amounts of fussiness from my other siblings that was far less than screaming at the top of their lungs. If they had done that, they would have been shushed, comforted, talked to, or taken somewhere else because my parents took responsibility for their own decisions and for what their children did. Instead of pretending it’s hopeless and that whatever impulse we had was fine.
My son was, too. I didn’t raise him strictly (I was a hippie mother, raised in the 70s), but gradually acclimatised him through smaller interactions (small groups to larger, to regional to public), because I had that luxury. Lots of parents over the past 10 years were deprived of that, and it’s been exceptionally difficult to get a child acclimated to an increasingly hostile world.
People have been far less patient in public – which is entirely understandable, given the circumstances – so many parents and other caregivers (teachers, counsellors, etc) who are trying their best can’t help but be defensive when they hear negativity towards children online, because I’d wager everyone encounters people who are excessively put out by the slightest transgression of a child in their proximity.
It may not be the way the majority react, nor how you react, but it happens regularly enough to become exhausting.
So, in these conversations, I feel like many people are responding to children who are clearly being publicly misparented, and then there are many parents who are thinking of the times someone overreacted to a social faux pas by their child.
I feel like people are misdirecting their anger here.
I think you’re dead on actually. The person I responded to is so defensive because they’ve probably been talked to about it before. No matter how awful it’s been I never have done that. And if they realized that they as a parent are used to the annoyance, but others aren’t, it actually takes restraint not to at least glare. So when that commenter got so pissed, I assume their child is poorly behaved enough for the parent to get told semi-often
That person really feels entitled to inflict their children’s bad behavior on everyone else around them.
We should sterilize people who’s children tantrum in public, and have social services take their children.
Society norms have to be bilateral, and convenient for every member of the society.
One member of society cannot fuck around not expecting to, eventually, find out.
This is why we have laws, norms and social customs. So we can live in a society.
If members of society feel that they cannot longer live next to other members is when society breaks, and, you like it or not, the social pact gets broken.
You cannot force members of a society to live en the minimum common suffering denominator. To lower everyone standards of living to the one provided by the most annoying member of the society. That’s a highway to the society giving the big F to that member.
It should be the contrary, society should try to live to the standard of the less annoyance. To avoid bother the most sensible member of the group.
It’s a everyone loses vs everyone wins situation. We should aim for the later.
You can look around and see that the world is not ok on you imposing your misbihaved child on everyone.
I was once a child, correct, and I couldn’t leave my table in a restaurant, that was not even a question. I had to learn to behave otherwise I would be grounded at home. My father left the table more than once in a restaurant to take my brother to be grounded in the car. And came back once it was understood.
Limits are healthy and if it’s tok hard you can always gibe them to social services or not fucking having them.
Just look around a little. Nobody else cares about you baby or you.
You think the judgment is being leveled at the KIDS? No, no, no… nobody’s judging kids for acting out. They’re kids.
Kids aren’t the problem. Bad parents are the problem.
Judgement is only partially the problem. You are never as full of yourself as a parental figure as before you become one. Neglectful parents should be held accountable, that is not the core of the issue.
What bothers me immensely is the thought that “your kid, not my problem, but actually it is my problem, because I want them to behave differently”. This is like eating your cake and have it too.
The other thing that I find awful is that just existing on the outside (for some families even inside) is so anxiety evoking because of all these judgements. Parents end up micromanaging their kids and berating them for minor things because they are so fucking scared that people will judge them or yell at them for not having a picture perfect child that you can overlook. Children are not allowed to show any childish behavior on the outside. And this is what bothers me so much. You have to constantly choose between supporting your kid and gentle (not neglectful) parenting where you don’t yell or hit and simply being on their side or trying to appeal to the scrutiny of the public eye because it wants perfect order and quiet.
When you go vacationing in a child friendly country (looking at you, Croatia) and you feel supported instead of frowned upon for the exact same behaviors of your kid, because they are just having fun and not destroying anything and just minding their own business while not perfectly sitting still, then you just understand how shitty it is to go every day feeling the cold stare of everyone around who wished children would just die out.
I am a parent. My kid knows that some things aren’t okay to do in public and especially not in the direction of people who are trying to live their own lives. Teaching courtesy is not complicated.
Your third paragraph, from beginning to end, is INSANE and you’re telling on yourself quite a bit there.
Thank you for representing a normal parent reaction here. I too think this user comes off unhinged. It also seems to me like they think all their parenting shortcomings are someone else’s fault. If no one else’s, those people silently suffering in the public spaces they share with their screaming kids.
Absolutely. I swear, these people just want no one to ever dare have children and for humanity to go extinct.
Actually yes. Humans are just not good. Israel proves there’s no redemption for humanity.
I get daily contempt, just trying to do a few basic things as a non-neurotypical. Society hates humans so much, that if you show signs that you exist, and you show any humanity, you get so much hatred.
Humans aren’t appreciated in this world. Let them have their perfect AI, let humans die out.
Speaking as a parent, you are correct.
Thank you. Just adding again I’m not agains kids. Just want parents to parent more sometimes.
They’re mad because you’re right and they have to deal with screaming brats all day because they chose to and you didn’t.
exactly. They are mad because it’s NOT about the kids. Kids will be kids and thats why they have PARENTS. the Parents are the fucking lazy people that are “too tired” but keep having children becuase “oh my god it takes a vilage” Fuck off go raise your child
Hahahahahaha
Your children are special bundles of joy for You, and you only.
Those snotrags are in charge of funding our retirements excuse me!
They won’t, the go on your nerves now and they won’t fund your retirement.
What retirement?
I’ll be long dead before retirement as they keep raising retirement age far beyond what most people in my family have lived.
It’s weird that it’s completely necessary for every single person to make that choice! Also, the kind of people that actually parent and don’t just unleash their loud, hyperactive child on strangers don’t get memes made about them.
Source: I was a loud, hyperactive child, but I was taught respect, consideration, and made to follow rules.
Tell me you’re not a parent without telling me you’re not a parent…
Let me know when you can participate in a genuine conversation without exclusively regurgitating tiktok phrases!
Doesn’t help that people judge 2 year old parents when their child is crying. Not like they could hold a debate with someone who can not comprehend the concept of self control.
For real, clearly they never had to explain to a 4 year old why they could not run around with crayons stuffed in their nose.
No, but you can remove them from the venue if it doesn’t stop crying, unless you’re on a plane.
That just reinforces their behavior and they keep doing it. If they dont want to go to the grocery store or what ever, they cry, they go. They learn crying gets them what they want and they become spoiled brats. Tantrums and crying are growth opportunities some times, and not to mention, other times the parent needs to be there and they dont have other child care options.
Sorry to inconvenience you
How do you think they’re going to learn to behave in public if they’re just cooped up 24/7? People being annoying and noisy is just a part of existing as a human being. We shouldn’t stunt the growth of entire fucking generations just because they make you uncomfortable.
How do you think they’re going to learn to behave in public if they’re just cooped up 24/7?
Thats not w what my comment said at all. Why are you arguing in bad faith?
Removing from the venue changes the setting and makes it easier to talk to the child about what they were doing, and even more likely address whatever the child had going on. Removing them from the setting makes parenting easier and benefits everyone else.
Source: am parent and was a child at one point
They learn how to behave because when they behave inappropriately, they are punished. No one here is opposed to a charming little kid wandering around and doing cute shit. They are opposed to kids throwing 45 minute long temper tantrums because the italian restaurant doesn’t have chicken nuggets. You can practice this feedback cycle both at home and in public (in public, of course, remove the kid from the situation where they are annoying everyone first).
My parents made tons of mistakes, but the word shh being acknowledged as existing wasn’t one of them.
People love to act like children are always so difficult they cannot be reasoned with, but shushing isn’t actually trauma. And it works very often. Guess what, everywhere I go people have horribly behaved dogs while mine is an angel in comparison. Why? Because I didn’t just let them do whatever whenever. I made small corrections consistently. And my dog seems quite happy. I’m sure you’ll get all mad that I’m “comparing children and animals” but honestly you can see the same kinds of boundary testing and reactions from both so I think it’s fair.
People also don’t get how different children are and how much neuro diversity is out there. Comments below say to remove the child from the venue or keep them at home. It’s been years and I’ve hardly left the house for social enjoyment. My kid finally gets excited about going to the cinema, so we go,and he ends up having difficulty regulating himself there…I guess I better scoop him up and fuck off back to the cave we crawled out of.
Managing children is difficult, and if a child is dedicated to their course of action, then you can’t win. You can never win a battle of wills against a young child. A child has infinite energy, infinite time and a single minded focus. They’ve got nowhere else to be nothing better to do.
I don’t even know who does it worse.
People who have absolutely zero experience with children judging
Or the other parents who had a child that gave them no issues from birth. ‘Just politely ask them’ and they will be good. It ‘worked for me’.
Do you think “politely asking” is how you raise children that give you no issues?
It’s not hard to lead by example and to have important discussions with your kids. Kids understand until you show them they have the option not to.
if a child is dedicated to their course of action, then you can’t win. You can never win a battle of wills against a young child.
smh
Depends on their age and how you define win.
As one of those neurodivergent kids, my mom explicitly laid all the blame on me whenever she felt embarrassed in public. I was removed from activities countless times without any clear understanding of why - all I knew was I wasn’t allowed to do fun things. There was no accommodation for sensory issues, no space provided for me to self-regulate, no understanding that I was having a difficult time and needed support - just labels thrown at me for “being difficult”, as if by merely existing, I was a problem.
Every child deserves to participate in enriching activities regardless of their neurotype. By removing neurodiverse kids (and not returning after they calm down) or outright keeping them away from such events, they may internalize the idea that who they are is not acceptable. Parents, there are resources available today that didn’t exist in the 90s. There is no reason to raise your neurodiverse kid the way we used to be raised. If you don’t know what to do with your kid and you haven’t already done so, get help. Please.
100%.
We have a ND kid who has the standard AuDHD diagnosis, and we do our best to allow them to participate in activities, and they’re getting a lot better at self regulation since we’ve been able to get them into therapy/OT/various other things that I did t get a chance to have when I was that young.
It’s hard, but just stopping and explaining things to kids goes so far, even if they can’t internalize it in the moment, those lessons build up and give them the base they need to participate in a world that has no empathy for the ND.
Agree completely. That’s what people don’t see when they’re being judgemental and demand that a child “be sorted and quietened now”. I need time to help my kid self-regulate and adjust and be supported in the environment…but I need the community’s support in tolerating a “loud and disruptive” child for a moment.
I was always told that I’d be more charitable about this kind of thing once I had kids.
No idea where anyone got that idea. After becoming a parent I’m WAY more judgy about bad parenting.
This is the unfortunate truth. If someone has “easier” children they become even more judgemental of “difficult” children. They take it as a skill issue as if their expert parenting was all that mattered and thus other parents are failures.
If you had that “difficult” child with the set of social circumstances as that family, then you might have struggled too. Withhold that judgement. Most are trying their best. Sometimes you might even see me “doing nothing” about my out of control child…but that’s because I’m trying to regulate myself before I lose my shit; just need a moment.
My kid finally gets excited about going to the cinema, so we go,and he ends up having difficulty regulating himself there…I guess I better scoop him up and fuck off back to the cave we crawled out of.
If they are doing something really disruptive like crying for extended periods of time just remove them from the setting for long enough to regulate themselves and go back in. Keeping them in a setting where they can’t regulate themselves for extended periods of time is counterproductive. I stepped out into the hall with my klddo to get away from the loud noise and bright screen so she could get herself under control a lot of times, and eventually she figured out how to regulate herself in those same situations.
Now if people are shitty because the kiddo is doing regular kid things or because they were disruptive for a short period of time then they can go eat a turd.
2 year olds should really not be parents.
Right. Maybe that’s why you have mad social anxiety and the like. Because your parents beat your ass for even talking when out in public.
You’ve riled the forever alone nerds.
Gen X, I presume?
Out of curiosity do you mean the age of the person who posted, the person in the image, or something else? I am a Gen X and my children look about the age of the person in the screenshot.
More the messaging, than the person in the picture…because yeah, they look too young to be Gen X.
I’m Gen X too, and I’m pretty sure we were the last generation where it was considered “normal” to get beaten in public for behavioral reasons.
I’m confused with ages here, have we standardized this?
- Greatest Generation (born roughly 1901–1927)
- Silent Generation (1928–1945)
- Baby Boomers (1946–1964)
- Generation X (1965–1980)
- Millennials (1981–1996)
- Generation Z (1997–2012)
- Generation Alpha (born around 2013–2024)
- Generation Beta (2025–2039)
I’m annoyed by this on principle and across the board, but I do want to point out that “Greatest Generation” all the way to “Baby Boomers” makes zero sense in most of the planet. You can sooooort of get away with Millenials to Alpha because the Internet is a bad idea, and Gen X at least applies to probably most of Europe as well as the US and Canada, although it’s still weird across the board.
But everything before that? Super specifically US-only.
Those generations are common like that at least in Germany too. It’s not as specific as you think. And even if it was then it’s made up regardless so who cares. It’s a useful concept.
You are telling me Germans consider people born in the first 20 years of the 20th century to be “the greatest generation”?
Holy crap, you may hang out with the wrong Germans. Did they seem particularly excited about the recent NRW elections?
Maybe not that. But the silent generation onwards.
I don’t think the names are particularly relevant, but the idea that people born in those years have done shared experience notably different from other times is—to the extent it can ever be true for any specified dates (which is a very low extent)—fairly consistent across at least western countries and their colonies.
Makes sense. Yep, I have multiple friends my age who were on the receiving end of some “tough love”.
Some of my earliest “formative memories” were of getting walloped in the middle of a grocery store aisle, for whining about cereal. My mother said, “pick which one you want”. I thought that meant I could pick something I actually wanted. Apparently not. My choices were shredded wheat or cheerios.
Everything else in that aisle was a decoy, with a spanking attached to it.
Who is the 50-something in this situation?
It bothers me how Generation X has been stretched out over time. It should be more people in their 60s. Coupland is 63. If you’re 55 now you were barely in high school when his book about late 20s-early 30s people came out.
Intellectually I understand why we gave up on the “Gen Y” stuff once the idea of Millenials surfaced, but I’m in that gradient where during my lifetime I went through waves of being post-Gen X, then a millenial, then all the way back to Gen X, then sorta millenial again once it became OK for millenials to have kids and jobs and be old and stuff.
Generational designators are bullshit anyway, but if you’re in that gap between X and millenials, or between millenials and Gen Z, now going through that exact process, they become annoying bullshit.
I was born in 96 when my mom was 19. I remember sometime in middle to early high school looking up the generation year cut offs and thinking it was wild my mom and i were considered the same generation; her being the start of the generation and me being the end.
Obviously thats no longer the case with current generation year cutoffs, but im now starting to see 96 included as the first year of gen Z which feels…wierd. I definitely dont connect with people of gen Z easily because it feels like…well…a different generation, but at the same time I feel a disconnect with other, older, millenials because they tend to remember the 90s more than myself. Im not sure about anyone else, but being born in 96 feels like being stuck between two generations that you partially relate to, but not really.
Generational demarcations are cultural, so having a hard line in between them is a bit of BS, but there were greater cultural affinity trends thanks to monoculture which has only really existed since WWII. With the way the internet is fracturing media exposure, generational cohorts may fall apart and be meaningless because there’s not one set of TV shows everyone watches together anymore, for example.
The Boomers had a ton of media from 1955-1972 to lean on for self-identification. Gen X and Millennials did the same, but Millennials and Boomers both had large-scale structural changes take place that entrenched their cohort’s cultural baseline. Gen X got screwed by the Oil Crisis, after-effects of the Boomers figuring out how to deal with Vietnam, and the economic downturn in the 70s. Boomers sucked the air out of the room and saved some of it for Millennials.
Gen X had no Moon Landing or JFK in Dallas moments that were a “where were you?” nostalgia. We didn’t get that again until 9/11, which pitches it to Millennials. Gen X had some monocultural elements, mostly phenomenal music and movies, but they weren’t as pervasive as Boomers getting TV for the first time.
I expect you might be part of the “Oregon Trail” cohort, which is the cusp between X and MIllennials - resilience of Gen X, but comfortable with dayglow colors and likely had access to an early computer in elementary school where MECC games like Oregon Trail were common. I think it’s literally people born 1979-1983. It works, though.
See, I kinda see it the other way. Generational demarcations used to be cultural and thus geographically determined back when different places had different media. Now we all have the same garbage social media, so since the 2000s it makes sense that we’re all on the same boat made of crap and hate.
For example, my parents had a moon landing, but it looked, sounded different and meant very different things. Also for example, I had no idea what Oregon Trail was or what it was about until the Internet told me it was a staple of US computer classes. If you think about it for a few seconds it may be no surprise that my equivalent was some combination of drawing dicks in LOGO, Defender of the Crown and Saboteur II.
We have local names for people born in the late 70s to mid 90s, too. After that we just use the US-designed universal names, though.
Late Gen X / early Millennial is called a Xennial. We’re characterized as having been born in a largely analog world and coming of age as consumer technology became more prevalent. I think it informally encompasses 1977-1983.
I was born in '81 and graduated high school in '99. I grew up hearing that I was Gen X, the slacker generation, the whatever generation, the generation where trying was uncool. And that’s exactly the experience I had. I was an adult before I ever heard the term ‘millennial’ and I don’t identify with it at all, though technically I’m on the cusp. Xennial does seem to fit though.
That’s one of the places where it landed. And certainly the stupidest sounding one.
I didn’t make up “Gen Y”, it was a thing you’d hear at the time, it just didn’t stick. Iliza Shlesinger has a comedy special called Elder Millennial, which is also a thing I’ve heard elsewhere. She was born in 83.
It’s all a dumb mess, I guess is my point.
The children
Saw a kid at the zoo banging all up on the glass at a turtle yelling “WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP” and his dad aas doing fuck all. Tried to say “hey buddy maybe we chill” but I don’t really think it got through and he only stopped because of coincidental timing(a parent that shitty would probably get mad at me and I was there to have a good day).
(Note: I did have a good day, the zoo is awesome. We pet rays).
Lemmy: lol my ADHD is so quirky!
Also Lemmy: Children should be seen and not heard.
When you let your kids run wild in a library, there’s a problem.
When this lady makes the face in a public park, it’s her problem.
I’m a parent of one child who is the opposite of feral and never gets hit.
And while yes obviously we should not teach our children that physical abuse is how we keep people in line, this conversation needs to go far beyond the level if disciplinary tactics. What’s the whole overall parenting strategy?
I submit that actually having a strategy leads to less abuse, and that those who are the quickest to abuse are also the ones who do not take the time to reflect on themselves, their parenting, life, etc. At least not in a way that could potentially make them feel bad or change their ways.
And I’m not even trying to position myself as a perfect parent above physical intervention. Especially when safety is involved. But you have to leave room for escalation. If everything is met with the same reaction of losing your shit, then no bad behaviors seem any worse than others.
I don’t know if modern people are truly any worse at parenting than past generations, or if it’s yet another example of humanity’s shittiness being exposed by our explosion in communications technology.
They aren’t. Crime is down. Underage drinking and drug use is down. Less underage pregnancy. More people are completing secondary. Anyone who says kids are worse hasn’t looked at the numbers.
Yeah that’s typically how it works. People default to complaining and seeing everything as getting worse all the time.
I wonder if the “feral child” phenomenon has actually increased though (I don’t think there would be stats) and if that has something to do with the lower crime rate.
Not that it’s good to let your child be a feral nuisance. But if a child has shitty parents maybe that’s better for their development than whatever abuse the parents would choose to control it.
juvenoia
A vsauce so good
How’s that relate to feral children though ? Which i take as “badly behaved in public” . It could just be shifting baseline syndrome which is what the meme sortof intimates o.e bad behavior today is accepted but back in the day it wasn’t.
Not suggesting onw way or the other if children are less well behaved pubicially but your refutation seems a staw clutch ?
I swear, Americans are obsessed with the idea that kids need a beating once in a while. That would get you arrested where I am from.
I need to move there. We have never spanked our kids and they behave no worse than any other kids, and better than many.
Louis C.K. may be a bit of a creep, but one thing he said really resonates with me. Children are the only people we’re legally allowed to hit (in the U.S.). They are some of our most vulnerable people and we hit them. They rely on us to protect them, and we hit them. Fuck us for hitting our tiny, vulnerable babies. My wife wasn’t totally opposed to spanking before we had kids, but then we had kids and she can’t imagine hitting them. She’s a wonderful human.
Not just Americans, corporal punishment is still acceptable in mainland China. I remember a teacher used a meter ruler and slapped a kid on the palm of their hands (it was a light slap, but still unacceptable in my opinion), I remember being so scared of it, not sure if I ever got slapped, but if I did, it probably became a suppressed memory since I can’t recall it. Parents can beat their kids in public and cops probably wouldn’t really do anything since its family matters. Fucking “Filial Piety” bs and all. I didn’t get “beaten” but I did get hit when I was younger, and it only stopped because I got too old and I could fight back, and also because we immigrated to the US where it’s less tolerated. Skill scolded me every chance she got. My brother also yells at me. Its chaos. Happens at least once a week.
I doubt my depression and anxiety issues will ever be solved.
My dad was occasionally beaten by his mom and dad in the 1950s and 60s, but his generation decided it was over with, and it also became illegal in the 90s. We’re in Denmark.
Cultural change can and will happen, you’ll be the agent of that when you’re older 😘 I believe in you!
I mean, I am not perfect, I also sometimes yell at my kids, but I also say sorry a lot, so… We’re only human.
I’ve had this discussion countless times on reddit, and every time some American comes up with a bunch of arguments that essentially boil down to “well my dad hit me and it stopped me from misbehaving, so I shall continue this tradition”.
Meanwhile it’s one of the most violent western societies. I wonder why. USA has about 6 times more intentional homicides than Denmark, for example.
I think people are jumping to the beating part but ignoring the rest. The thought process usually goes like “wow, my parents would’ve spanked me for doing that… but they’re not doing anything!”
It’s not about the beating. It’s about the kid being allowed to do whatever without any action from the parent. Because that’s usually how it goes when a kid is being a nuisance.
Shit take
Me watching my only heir reenact Bruegel’s Seven Vices: 🤬 (they heed me not)
Me watching the unheeded parents of another demonic recreant: 😌
Lots of people have procreated that really shouldn’t have, unfortunately.
[Someone’s kid yells]
The internet: “You should be sterile.”
Why do we need to have kids? Why do we need to exist? Give a license to a few top 0.0001% high IQ people, everyone else should be sterilized.
Welcome to the Fitness Test! May the odds be ever in your favor.
powered by Grok™
No need to test me though, I’m sure as heck not touching another human being.
This but unironically. 😌
People say that having kids it’s hard. It’s not. It’s literally the easiest thing we can do. Even the most stupid people on the planet can, and do, have kids.
And everyone else is the asshole for wanting you to control your petulant, loud, annoying little bundle of joy.
Yes because the most stupid people are people. They should have kids if they want.
Every child i encounter is extremely well behaved
I wish I could say the same for middle aged suburban moms. Fucking miserable people.
Yoooo, I have two kids who I have never laid a hand on, and they behave extremely well compared to their peers (not perfect by any means, but I am very happy with them). My father beat the shit out of me when I was a kid, and what did that get him? Me hating him until now. I still help him and take care of him, but to be 100% honest, I don’t have love for the man. You don’t need to beat a little being who has no defense to make them behave, this is just absurd and stupid.
“I was abused as a child so I think other children should also be abused” - cringe-ass toktok moron
There’s a lot of space between “just let them carry on with whatever” and “beat them like I expected to be”. Not to mention, “getting my ass beat by my parents” might not mean literally getting beat, but can be a metaphor for any kind of discipline (though I can see how it can fall into the uncanny valley since there were and are parents that would literally beat asses).
“Those pesky kids need a beating” is a meme several thousands years old
